A new era

 Okay, so it has been a few months since my last post. I must admit, it is entirely my fault for not being consistent; however, I also have to be honest that I have been writing another personal piece on the side which needed my undivided attention, and I had to give myself some time before I could balance both simultaneously. I got inspired again! And let me tell you, the feeling of inspiration is unlike any other, especially when you start questioning yourself and your abilities. I had a very short yet much-needed "tough love" talk from a dear one, and it ignited something in me. I got asked the difficult questions, the uncomfortable questions, the questions I did not want to be asked but knew I had to answer (or at least think about), and most importantly, I got reminded of what is important and how to ensure that what I value comes second to no one. I'll spare you the details for now because that will be for another post another day. My focus this time, though, is on ...

To the world, it is just another endurance race; to others, it's utter madness; to the competitors, it is an opportunity to cross off a new milestone. On a personal note, this would probably be one of the most momentous days kicking off 2025 for me. I watched my other half display the fruits of his labor. I witnessed the results of daily training sessions, workouts, meal plans, shakes, early nights in, no naps, sleepless nights, runny noses, blocked noses, anxiousness, excitement, and, most importantly, the joy that comes from all of these. My heart skipped a beat with every swim stroke, my anxiety hit the roof, and I found my body trembling watching him on the app throughout his bike route. My hands were sweaty holding my phone, watching him run the three loops before celebrating his amazing stride across the finish line, where I noticed my throat was completely dry, and I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. The rush of emotions continued to build inside me until I got home. ...

What is that song by Miley Cyrus? I forgot the name, but I think she says, "I came in like a wrecking ball". Triggers can do that. They can do so much damage that the impact is unbearable, and the pain is unexplainable.  It breaks my heart to think about it, and I find myself in tears right now as I type this because I have realized that despite the work a person can put in to help themselves come out of a really difficult situation, it can take one wrong move, one mistake, one slip up to send you spiraling down again. I am not sure why exactly I am crying, but I think it is because it saddens me that someone can put in so much time, effort, energy and commitment into fixing themselves from traumas and then just seeing them relapse is so painful. So, let's wipe these tears first and take a few sniffs in and get back to focusing on the issue in hand. Right, how can one avoid this? or how can one prepare themselves to better handle if and when such a situation can occur tha...

"I promise to love you, to give you a good life and to keep you happy, forever" Like a hand-crafted gift god had customized for me, everything just made sense with him. It was smooth sailing from day one. Not a hiccup or a hurdle in the way. Whatever attempted to be one was so quickly resolved, I barely felt it was an issue anyway. "This is what dreams are made of" I said to myself far too often. I suppressed my joy so I don't jinx anything because God knows with my shit luck, ANYTHING can happen.  Almost a decade after the filthiest ugliest divorce, I believed in love again. I believed in second chances. I believed in happiness. Yes, key word, happy. Overjoyed. Over the moon. Sky high. Life is beautiful again, or as is now said my life was life-ing. "I promise to love you, to give you a good life and to keep you happy, forever" I couldn't stop thanking God, day and night for this miracle that has landed on me. I appreciated everything that was hap...

Back again to our topic on transition and the interesting times this brings. I thought completing the major events or processes were going to be the most challenging part during this period, but the universe has a curveball aimed right at me and it has hit me straight on my forehead.  Never have I experienced my body reacting to internal, mental and emotional instability. I honestly believed that I was ok and that everything was fine until my body decided to react otherwise. Problem is, there was nothing I could do about it apart from "relax" and "try not to think about it".  I had to learn, the hard way, how the anatomy of a human being works. I really had endured days of anxiety, physical body pain and extreme mental stress for me to understand that our bodies tell us EVERYTHING we need to know, we just need to pay attention. This was a major change in my life, how could I solely rely on how I was feeling on the outside which was extreme happiness by the way. Ther...

 They say if you cannot let go of the past, you can't enjoy the present or move on into the future. Personally, I never realized how difficult it was to let go of a painful past until I actually learned HOW to let go and how much work it takes to fully relieve myself from baggage so heavily in my mind, rooted in my heart and camped on my shoulders. The process of healing from any trauma requires a huge amount of unspoken work including admitting being wrong, accepting to have made wrong choices, baring being the cause of others' misery, etc. It's not easy but someone has to say it. The easiest way is distraction, and boy, do we get creative when it comes to that. From new unheard-of hobbies, to acquaintances that are obviously bad news, ridiculous amount of physical activity or the contrary the complete lack of it. At times it would also be binge eating and gaining so much weight or it would be the stupidest of diets and eating habits resulting in losing weight and looking ...