From Bibi, with love

First of all, thank you so much to everyone who has read my first entry and given all sorts of positive feedback. You have no idea how motivating it is and how much it has encouraged me to continue. My mother was the first to read it and without her saying anything back, her smile meant the world to me as she is one of the few people who know how much I always loved to write.

Also, it was funny how so many of you kept asking about the 10th of July 😁. I promise all will be revealed in good time.

In the meantime, let's talk about partnership. They say finding the right life partner is a gamble, a risk into the unknown. I remember asking my late Bibi about her life with my Babu and the glow in her eyes reflected endless love. They had both come from failed first marriages and somehow found solace in each other. She told me "I didn't want anything else after marrying him". I never got to meet my late Babu, but I am certain he would have had a lot more to say, my Bibi was gorgeous, smart, loving and a very strong woman so it is no wonder she caught his eye.

Fast forward to current times, I often ask myself how different our life choices would have been if they were still around. I was extremely close to my Bibi, and I felt very lost after she died. I miss everything about her, from her deep wisdom to how beautiful her smile was to the unique way her Kanga's smelt. Many of us in the family relied on her wisdom and followed through on her guidance and advice. Although she was not academically educated, what life has taught her and what she's been through gave her an unmeasurable wealth of knowledge and education. This is why there is so much I wish I could have seeked her advice on................if she were still here.

Bibi made marriage seem so pleasant, so peaceful and so easy. Almost every photo of her while she was married reflected a degree of calmness. I feel for that and I believed that it was the reality of all marriages and when mine fell apart, I was angry even at that. Why did she not tell me that it may not work?! why did she not prepare me for a potential downfall? 

I began looking at Bibi's photos very differently. I read through her eyes, through her postures and through her body language. I concluded that there was a lot she may have been trying to hide and because she knew the pain of such challenges, she purposely didn't want to share it because she truly did not want to build a negative perception. She was protective like that. Overly protective.

Once upon a time, I had a potential husband approach me from a completely different background and society to me. As much as I found that intriguing, I was very afraid to jump into such a new territory. During the decision-making period, I had the below dream...

"I went into the bathroom to wash my face, as I bent down to get closer to the water tap, I felt a hand on my upper back softly pat me. I looked up into the mirror, only to find myself staring at a reflection of Bibi, not myself. She shook her head left and right and left and right indicating a "No"."

Obviously, I couldn't sleep after THAT kind of dream but when I absorbed it, I knew very clearly that I needed to steer away.

Remember in my first post when I talked about manifestations not happening. I stupidly always wanted to be with a foreigner and even such signs didn't make me divert. Stubborn me!!

Well, guess what....

A few weeks after the 10th of July, I can't remember the exact day, Bibi showed up in my dreams again!!!

She was at home in her usual chair, very happy, laughing, smiling. She didn't say "much" but I could still feel her happiness. Moments later in the dream was her funeral again and although I was crying in the dream, there was peace in her absence. 

She is at peace, which has put me at peace. 

So what are you saying to me Bibi? Are you with me in this? I have so much to tell you and so much to giggle and gossip with you about. Only you know what happened to me on the 10th of July, remember how I prayed for you to give me a sign? Thank you for giving me the answer💗

By the way, you guys will not believe what Bibi said to me in that dream. It made everything make sense and as much as my heart is pounding right now while I remember it, I am certain yours will too when I tell you.......

Until next time. 

 





*Bibi means Grandmother, Babu stands for Grandfather, and Kanga refers to rectangular printed cotton fabric that has been adorned by women in East Africa since the 19th century. It features a decorative border, a central panel with recurring motifs, and typically includes an inscription.

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