Talk....

 They say if you cannot let go of the past, you can't enjoy the present or move on into the future.

Personally, I never realized how difficult it was to let go of a painful past until I actually learned HOW to let go and how much work it takes to fully relieve myself from baggage so heavily in my mind, rooted in my heart and camped on my shoulders.

The process of healing from any trauma requires a huge amount of unspoken work including admitting being wrong, accepting to have made wrong choices, baring being the cause of others' misery, etc. It's not easy but someone has to say it.

The easiest way is distraction, and boy, do we get creative when it comes to that. From new unheard-of hobbies, to acquaintances that are obviously bad news, ridiculous amount of physical activity or the contrary the complete lack of it. At times it would also be binge eating and gaining so much weight or it would be the stupidest of diets and eating habits resulting in losing weight and looking sick!!

How do I know all this? No, I did not read it off a book, no I did not hear it off some guru, I went through it all myself. Everything mentioned up there and MORE, so much more. Who do you know collects oils? OILS, from anywhere, online, random stores. and THEN, display them on the shelf, just like that. Never used them, they never had a purpose, nothing.

As a psychologist, it dawned on me that the tightness in my chest and the overgrowing invisible lump in my throat would never really disappear unless I do something about it. I needed to let it out, I needed to scream, to cry, to shout but before all that, I needed to talk.

The consequences of piled up unresolved emotions are deadly. It has proven one too many times to me that I could end up in the most painful of states if I do not properly attend to my emotions and handle them with care and caution, I could end up in a very deep dark whirlwind.

Therapy has been one of the biggest support practices I went through, not one not two not even three but I believe I seeked the help of about 5 different therapists throughout the years of my healing process. It took time, a lot of time to properly adjust to someone I was comfortable with and to actually know HOW to speak and open up. Ironic coming from a counselor, isn't it? 

I will never forget my very first session, all I did was cry. Just cried. I couldn't get myself to say anything that made sense, or so I thought. Years and years later, sessions and sessions later, I sometimes cannot believe that I reached a point where I can go on for an entire hour expressing and sharing, laughing and engaging positively. 

The downfall in all this is that if one relapses through a major trigger or an incident that slices one's heart, they could potentially fall back to square one. This is the scary part that nobody really tells you once you've healed because they don't want you to lose momentum of happiness. 

I must admit, I am terrified of this. Terrified to drag anyone else downhill with me which would be completely selfish and unfair. How does one mitigate this then? Perhaps to try and stay positive? or try to surround yourself with joy?

I have done that! in addition to the 10th of July, I want to add the 4th of October now as another significant date 😏 one to remember before the big reveal in two months 😉.





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