Triggers and traumas

What is that song by Miley Cyrus? I forgot the name, but I think she says, "I came in like a wrecking ball".

Triggers can do that. They can do so much damage that the impact is unbearable, and the pain is unexplainable. 

It breaks my heart to think about it, and I find myself in tears right now as I type this because I have realized that despite the work a person can put in to help themselves come out of a really difficult situation, it can take one wrong move, one mistake, one slip up to send you spiraling down again. I am not sure why exactly I am crying, but I think it is because it saddens me that someone can put in so much time, effort, energy and commitment into fixing themselves from traumas and then just seeing them relapse is so painful.

So, let's wipe these tears first and take a few sniffs in and get back to focusing on the issue in hand.

Right, how can one avoid this? or how can one prepare themselves to better handle if and when such a situation can occur that may trigger these traumas and bring back the worst of memories or experiences?

If there is anything I have learned in my humble years of life, it is to "Always Be Prepared". If you're mentally and maybe even physically ready for a trigger to hit, you will be stronger and more able to contain the issue making it somewhat more manageable. Also, avoid avoid avoid avoid believing that everything will be perfect always. This is a myth. Unfortunately, in moments of happiness one can easily get carried away and be so immersed in this positive bubble that they can be blinded to think or see that anything can change that. 

Reality is harsh but all the more reason to be because it is real. As human beings, many of us find it easier to give up and take the fastest way out the door without realizing that will lead to a lot more damage than recovery. 

On a personal note, I recently put myself in such a situation. I did not practice what I preached and allowed myself to sink into the pleasures of life and forgot to "be prepared".  Did I relapse? Yup, in a very disastrous way. I lost focus, I lost control, I lost appetite and the ability to sleep but most importantly I felt very afraid and exposed because I became very venerable, and the smallest of things would trigger me despite how hard I fought the dreadful emotions. 

I cannot go into any details out of respect for others involved, but I want to focus on the way forward and the steps taken into the very slow but steady road to recovery.

1. Admit there's a problem and address it: The challenge here is to ensure the matter is discussed with the direct person/people involved. The more it spreads, the bigger it becomes, the more difficult it is to heal from (everyone becomes Dr Phil & Oprah). For me, I struggled a lot with this. I wanted my mother's words of wisdom I wanted my father's protection; I wanted my best friends' tough love. But I also knew this was a battle I needed to learn to fight on my own. Did I success at point number 1? No, unfortunately, I did not. I will explain towards the end. 


2. Dedicate time and energy to fix the issue: Consistency is key here. If it is affirmations that help, then practice them. If it is going to the gym and sweating it out, then do so. If it is crying your heart out to release it all, then let it all out and ugly cry as long as you want. Whatever method needed, ensure it is done with the right intension, the aim to release the negative energy, thoughts, feelings, emotions so that the mind and body will have room to accept the positives and will welcome the needed emotions to help overcome the issue. How did I do here? Let's just say our tissue supply at home has slightly increased. There have been many tears shed.


3. Have faith : If you trust the process and believe that there is hope for things to get better, this is all you need. At the end of each day, clap for yourself, pat yourself on the shoulder and celebrate it. One day at a time. Did I manage this? I have to be honest; some days are easier than others. Some days I am on a high cloud and other days I drop back all the way down. I am still trying my best though...


So, in summary, I can say that I want to focus on these three steps for now. But before I close this entry, I want to highlight in reference to point 1, I did not succeed because I ended up seeking the support of a therapist, simultaneously I build walls towards who I should have been really open with. I also failed to hide it from my closes people and had to deal with "Are you ok?", " why are you losing so much weight?"

A few days ago I read a quote on Instagram that stated "Best thing I ever did was stand on my own when all I wanted was a shoulder to cry on". Sometimes, we almost kill ourselves with silence to avoid having those deep ugly difficult conversations, but once we give in and try, even if it's just a little bit, even if it's only for a few minutes, even if it's in the dark, trust me when I say it always helps.

If you can relate to this, my message to you is not to give up. Fight for what you believe in and trust in the almighty to always be there and bring to you all that is khair, even if you fail to see it anymore.....





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